It was reported to SheepLaughs that this letter was delivered to multiple media outlets in the USA recently. You may judge for yourself the authenticity of the letter and identity of the sender.

From Santa Claus To all the USA,

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas and Alabama on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, Joe Bob Claus, who also happens to be my 3rd cousin. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Joe Bob Claus because he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson"

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Joe Bob Claus prefers that children leave a RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And Joe Bob doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Joe Bob Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Joe Bob's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid on Donner and Blitzen" when Joe Bob Claus arrives. Instead you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Gordon, on Elliott and Petty"

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has also been replaced by "Yee Haw!" and you also are likely to hear Joe Bob's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by southern laws, Joe Bob Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off!"

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as Miracle on 34th St and It's a Wonderful Life will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see Boss Hogg Saves Christmas and Smokey and Bandit lV featuring Burt Reynolds as Joe Bob Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Joe Bob Claus is also a plumber. If I were you, I'd make sure the wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely yours,

Santa Claus, North Pole

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