You know you're addicted to coffee when ..

You grind your coffee beans with your teeth and then swish hot water around in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You chew on other people's fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

You can type sixty words per minute--per hand.

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.